I get asked a lot to film an updated wardrobe tour. The last one I did was a few years ago. Why do I keep procrastinating? Because I have a daunting amount of lolita to photograph or film. Recently, in trying to motivate myself to finally do it, I had a thought.
Wardrobe posts are glamorized and polished into a perfect photogenic humble-brag. But a wardrobe post isn't going to show you what my wardrobe really looks like. Why? Because...
They don't show you what it looks like every day.
If you can look me straight in the eye and tell me that your wardrobe looks immaculate every single day, I would have a hard time believing you. Blouses aren't buttoned, socks aren't folded, dresses aren't zipped. Shit gets disorganized. It's okay, you're not alone!
It starts with saying yes to going out to dinner with some friends after a meet, coming home exhausted to throw everything in a pile and passing out. Then you get busy and forget to clean up. Then the next time you go out, you think you might as well put everything away at once and leave your lolita on the floor next to the first. Then you get busy or depressed and let the clutter pile up.
It adds up.
But it sure feels good once you finally do wash and put everything away, and you fall in love with your wardrobe again.
They don't show you the guilt, disappointment, and regret.
I always aim to plan my purchases. I don't buy pretty things just because I can, because maybe it will fit if I just lose those few holiday pounds, or because it's popular. My parents raised me to think about something a couple days before I buy something to make sure I still want it, and I do practice this. Most of the time. But every once in a while I feel...
The crushing disappointment when you order a pair of shoes from a new brand, and they are too small despite being your usual size.
The hot tears bubbling up from your eyes when an item gets lost in the mail or damaged by the postal service.
The pang of regret when a dress arrives looking different than the stock photo, and you wish you'd ordered the other colorway.
The disbelief when you stop to think about just how big your collection is - "Do I really have that many pins?"
They don't show you the forgotten pieces.
When I was just starting out in lolita, I balked when people said they would lose socks, blouses, or headpieces. "Lolita is so precious, how could you possibly lose something like that? Do you just throw everything around like your normal clothes?" Yes. Yes we do.
When you have limited space to store everything like I do, some pieces get forgotten for months at a time. Sleeves and skirt folds cover up other dresses when you shove it onto the rack. Shoes get left in the car or accidentally shoved under the bed. Socks get stuck in a laundry loop (this started happening when I moved in with my boyfriend whose job is to do the laundry but never quite washes everything at once). Rings get left in different purses.
We all have pieces we like and pieces we love. We have favorites that get worn much more than others. Some of those lesser-worn things are left to collect dust because they are reserved for rare special occasions or specific holidays, and sometimes they get forgotten because you simply have too many things.
Honestly, it's embarrassing to admit, but I spilled champagne down the front of Day Dream Bed (and since it was clear, I forgot all about it and didn't wash it after... you know where this is going). A whole year later, I thought to wear it only to discover in horror a giant brown stain! It took me a while to remember when was the last time I wore it to figure out what the stain was from. In the end, it came out easily from a simple soap wash, but the ordeal was an epiphany for me.
They don't show you the memories.
To me, each piece brings up memories of the good times I've had in them. The vacations, birthdays, tea parties, new friends, old friends, good food, and laughter.
When you look through someone else's lolita wardrobe post, you can see their style. You can see their taste in fashion and aesthetic. You could even guess their financial capabilities (although you shouldn't, sometimes you catch yourself assuming). But you can't know how a dress makes them feel or all the adventures they walked in a pair of shoes.
Because let's be honest, no matter how much we tell ourselves (or people on Rufflechat) that lolita is just clothes, our clothes means more than something to cover our bodies with. We choose to wear what expresses our creativity or identity, what makes us look good, and what makes us feel good.
